I've told you once

*sigh*
I have been battling myself lately. Waging war between who I am and who I've become because I'm overweight and who I know I am beneath the weight.

I am so sick and tired of being overweight with no help. My family isn't financially grand, and that's OK but it's hard when you want to go on a diet and can't afford the products. It's asinine. I can't do it by myself. I have a treadmill that I use, but it isn't enough because the food I eat --yes I monitor it--doesn't allow for great weight-loss.

It's so hard going day to day being a "burden on society" because that's all an overweight person is...a bother to the "thins" and they're constantly pushing weight-loss products and foods on you through ads on TV/radio/magazines/books/wherever but none of it is affordable so what's the point? As I was flipping through the channels on TV this afternoon, you know what I saw? A food commercial or show from channel 35 (Food Network--this is excusable because that's what they focus on--) through channel 40 (Nickelodeon). No wonder society is fat; unhealthy food is constantly pushed in our faces, brainwashing us to go out and BUY BUY BUY and get FAT FAT FAT and because of that it depresses people so, guess what, they DO go out and eat! It's unbelievable. And that's exactly what I wanted to do, too! I wanted to go out and BUY something because it made me hungry...luckily I'm stuck here at home with no way of going out (lol)

What is also depressing, is my friend is going to have a baby and my mother, cousin and I have been shopping for gifts for her baby shower (yaay! baby stuff is cute ), but...eh...I am always afraid that an old woman or someone is going to come up to me and being completely serious, ask "when are you due?" T_T That would...I don't even know what I would do in a situation like that.

This poem, I suppose, doesn't really make sense, or maybe it does, but I'm too "blah" to really give a shit crap today.

Please do not use it without my permission